I think there was a day in high school when everyone got a lecture on how-- if you want to be a financial success as a grownup-- you can do one of several things:
Law school, med school, or business school.
I missed that day.
And lately it has jumped into clarity for me. That my choices-- most of them great-- have led me into an interesting life, but not a secure financial future. Funny how a couple of rugrats brings that realization home. Makes me think about law school.
I have been fixating, focues, freaking out... about what might happen if my husband got hit by a bus, or a very sexy secretary. I have been very much aware of what it means to be a woman who is dependent on a man. I have been thinking about the 1950s.
Of course, I know I'm "contributing." I'm cooking a baby. I'm raising another. I'm writing. I'm doing dishes and laundry and making the goddamn sloppy joes. But that doesn't what I'd be facing if something awful happened.
I'm writing about this now because I finally shook OFF the freakout. I'm NOT freaking out anymore. I'm feeling fine. I ranted to a few (poor souls) friends about my worries, and they flew away (the worries, not the friends). I also had a talk with hubby about life insurance. I also remembered that in a terrible situation, I could move home, wait tables, and get certified to teach. I'd be okay.
But I still wanted to mention this, now that I can do it calmly. Without heading further into the dark hole of fear. Because it's a real thing. People DO get hit by buses. People DO avoid thinking about the future. Women DO find themselves living with their kids in shelters. Women who HAD nice lives. But didn't think.
Credit card debt. Interest-only loans. Leased cars. Dinner out every night. No savings. Whole Foods Groceries. You can royally screw yourself.
I'm still glad I missed the lecture in high school. Still glad I'm a writer and a frugal momma with a lot of amazing experiences under my belt and a flare for the interesting (and less lucrative side of life). But yikes!